Guide to the Female Orgasm Part II

Explore your nether regions: For those of you who
have already had the pleasure of exploring yourself, read along since you still
might not know all of the specifics (as I didn’t until I wrote this).
Explore your area.
Take off your pants, spread your legs, and enjoy the ride. First, use two fingers and spread apart your inner and outer labia or “lips” as they are often called. The inner labia meet
together at the clit. You can feel the clit with your forefinger if you trace
your fingers up along the inner labia. Look at the area where your clitoris
resides. It is covered by a hood which protects all of the nerves that are on
your clit. Under the hood, lies your clitoris glands.
When you are aroused, your hood will retract and you will be able
to see your clit even better. You will also start to get wet. Use your own
fluids to continue to play with your clit. Touching yourself will not feel good
if it is without lubrication of some sort. Try putting one or two fingers into
your vagina and make a “come hither” motion with your fingers to play with your
g-spot.Caress your breasts, pinch your nipples. See if this arouses you. Some
women’s breasts are very sensitive, others are not. You can decide what works
best for you.  If you are comfortable with it, lay naked, spread your legs
and use a mirror to really get a good look at your area down there. Get the
view that the male(s) in your life get. Learn about and appreciate your body. You have to know what you like in order to tell someone else what to do!

It’s all a mental thing: Close your eyes and fantasize about something
sexy. Allow your mind to wander and don’t judge yourself about what it is you
may be thinking about. People have all different kinds of fantasies that some
might consider weird or vulgar or offensive, but chances are they have had the
same types of fantasies at some point or another themselves.
Just because you think about women, threesomes, or being spanked doesn’t mean you
necessarily want that in your own sexual life. This is why they are called fantasies. Don’t
feel weird or guilty for masturbating either. Everyone does it and if they
don’t, they are missing out. Any negative thoughts, or any thoughts that do not
have to do with sex for that matter, will affect your ability to get off. Take
it from someone who is neurotic and over-analytical. Taking these qualities
in the bedroom is just about the best way to avert an orgasm. Don’t think
about getting off. Don’t try to get off. Just think sexy. Your only goal at this point is to learn more about your body.
Get to Business: Okay, so now that you have explored your whole
body and your mind set is all things sexual, you can get to touching your clit.
Use the tips of your fingers to gently rub in a circular or up and down motion
on the hood of your clit. As you get more aroused, you may be able to touch the
actual clit, but it is good to get started by just caressing the general area. Continue to think sexy and learn about your body.

You may not experience an orgasm the very first or first few times you try these exercises so don't worry about it if it doesn’t happen right away. Try to enjoy your body and the pleasure it gives you. If you feel yourself on the verge of orgasm, but cannot, you are probably trying too hard. Studies say it takes women up to twenty minutes on average to achieve an orgasm, so don’t rush it! 

Women and men are completely different in many aspects and how they get off is just another one of them. Women are able to do many creative things to get themselves off when masturbating. We have a plethora of clit stimulators, dildos, vibrators, gels, lubrications, vegetables, bottles, pillows (after my research, I realized this list could go on and on) at our fingertips (no pun intended) to assist us in getting off. Men have some interesting options (simulated vaginas and mouths), but usually opt for their hand and porn or their mental catalogue of fantasies to reach orgasm. 
Most women who I have spoken to want to find a time and a place where there is little chance they will be bothered, found, or interrupted. Women like to relax, get in the right mental frame of mind, and take their time getting off. It is our special alone time and we don’t want to rush it.
Enjoy your body. The more you know the more you can teach someone else!

WILF-- My Military Relationship

I was in a relationship with a marine (Rick) for 2 years. We broke up and got back together a few times. I dated him during my Sophomore, Junior, and part of my senior year in college. He was one of my best guy friends from the time I was 15-18. I guess you could say he was my first love or my biggest crush that I ever had at 15. He was a smooth talker and he spent a whole summer wooing me only to end up with his ex-girlfriend who lived around the corner from me. He would spend time at her house and then drive over to mine and we would hang out. I was very inexperienced and didn't have the moves I have now..haha, so I never tried to make out with him or anything like that. I just played the role of being his best girl friend and I would hang out with him whenever he made time for me.
Eventually, I got smarter about how he was toying me with and I stopped hanging out with him and met my first awesome boyfriend who I was with for 2 years. Once I went to college, the crush from 15 and I would still e-mail and talk occasionally. Then, he visited my dorm one day (a lot of people from our high school went to the same college)  to see some friends, stopped by my room and we had sex. *This is the really simplified version of a very long story. After that, he told me he was going into the marines. He had a misdemeanor on his record for beating the s*** out of someone, he wasn't in college, and he needed some direction. I told him good luck and that was that.
About a year later, he was sent to Afghanistan, and I was one of the only people to keep in touch with him. I knew he was having a hard time and I wanted to be a good friend. I sent him packages, e-mails, cds etc. I was in a relationship that was always up and down and he would let me vent about it and try to make me feel better. When he came back from the middle east, his first stop was to my dorm with roses and the expectation that now we would be together.
My relationship with my current boyfriend was finally on track and I didn't want to date Rick. I told him straight up that I didn't want to date him, that I really liked my current boyfriend, and that I wasn't interested in a long distance relationship and especially not with someone who was in the Marines. I wasn't trying to be mean; I was just being honest. I always knew that I would never be a good military girlfriend. I never wanted to be in an LDR with someone, because at the young age of 20, I had the very realistic and somewhat harsh idea that if I was actually going to commit myself to one person, I wanted them to be around. If not, I wanted to be on my own. Dating was all about experiencing new people and situations. I was aware of that fact that whoever I was dating at 20 was probably not going to be the same person I married. I was oddly logical and anti-romanticism when I was in college. He eventually admitted to putting me on a pedastool while he was away and told me that he built up this image in his head of what it would be like with us when he got back. It helped him get through the rough times there. I think this kind of "pedastool thinking" is common among military relationships. Soldiers do what they can in order to mentally and physically survive. It is human nature, so I was happy that our relationship could do that for him, but it still didn't change the fact that I didn't want to break up with my boyfriend for him.

Anyway, after his time in the Middle East, he was given a 2 month leave back home and was around my college town for a whole two months, and he spent most of that time wooing me. He came to my dorm room all of the time wanting to replicate our relationship from high school where we would watch movies and snuggle on the couch. I was very attracted to him; we always had great chemistry and my current boyfriend and I (even though things were better...), was still terrible at communicating anything, was never really there for me when I was upset, and just generally wasn't fulfilling my needs. Rick had known me longer and knew exactly what to do and say to push my buttons, make me feel better, make me feel beautiful etc. Eventually, I caved in and I broke up with the college boyfriend for Rick. I told Rick though that our relationship would have to be casual and that I didn't want a title and I didn't want to rush into anything. I was still firmly against being tied down to someone who was far away and who could get deployed at any moment. He said he understood, but he really didn't. Eventually, I gave into that as well. I was now his girlfriend.

Things moved way too fast and they were not on my terms. Rick was a master manipulator and could play me like a fiddle--making me feel guilty, or bad for him etc. I struggled with labeling our relationship for a long time. I was in my junior year of college and working and studying like a crazy person. I had no time for bullshit and I had no time to be sitting on the phone with my boyfriend 4 times a day. Rick, on the other hand, had nothing going on. He would go to work as a marine all day, come home at 4 and call my cell and then my land line and then my cell again if I didn't pick up. He tried to take some classes to busy himself, but he couldn't get into it. His only concern was our relationship. And, the thought of me not staying with him if he got deployed weighed on him heavily and was a constant source of strife for us. He was a lady killer for his whole life and the idea of a girl not falling all over him and telling him that she would wait for him was confusing and astonishing to him.
*Don't want to be too long of a post.. go to next post.

WILF-- My Military Relationship (Discussion Board Drama)

I am a member of 20somethingbloggers and in one of the discussion boards, a girl asked bloggers to give our opinions about relationships with military men. Her question was the following:
I don't get it.  I have dated a lot in my life.  Guys in EVERY branch of the military and different types of guys that are civilians.While, since I'm single, I CLEARLY haven't found the right guy, I'm wondering this more importantly. What is it with military guys and being so extreme?
I have dated the "let's get married right now and have kids" type and I've also dated the "casual dater" type. http://www.20sb.net/forum/topics/military-relatioships

I responded with the following and I pissed someone off who was irritated that I wrote as if all the military was made up of men and that I stereotyped men and women in the military and/or men and women married to the military...

Oh dear...this is a good question. I seriously dated a marine for 2 years on and off when I was 19-21 and then years later, I dated a guy in the navy for just a few weeks and let me say (no offense to those who are protecting our country), I personally would never date a military guy again. I made this conviction after I broke up with the marine and once I found out the navy guy was in the military, I broke it off. There are certain women who are good for this type of lifestyle--women who want to settle down, who like to "stand by their man," women who like to be able to say "my guy is in the marines/navy etc," women who are okay with allowing hundreds of other factors control their life, and then there are women who are like me--ladies who want to know they have control over their lives, who want to know their boyfriend will be there, who want to build a more concrete life. I don't want to offend or stereotype too much here in a discussion board, but I was down in NC at the barracks A LOT at one point in my life and I feel like I have enough experience to speak about this topic and at least know what I am talking about a little bit. Go to my page for an article on it--you have pushed me to finally write one about this type of relationship...I have tried to forget that part of my life for so long. 
 And so I tried to correct myself with the following:

When I wrote my response, I expected to get a response like yours. I knew someone out there would be angry with my stereotypical comments and get offended. You are probably right. Maybe I should have left out the "certain women..." part, but I never used the words ALL WOMEN or ALL MILITARY, so I didn't imply that everyone in the military was like this. I also made it clear that it wasn't the type of lifestyle for me and I am saying that based on my observations and my involvement in it for 2 years. At least, I gave it a shot. 
Stereotypes are what they are for a reason--sometimes they are true and sometimes they are way off. It depends on specific situations, but the girl who posted this question wanted honest opinions on our experiences and I gave her mine. I give women and men who are either in the military or who are married to the military a lot of credit. I am not the type of person who could ever live that lifestyle and I am not saying that in an arrogant way.

Despite what you say though, you don't have control over your life, at least not when you are only serving for 4 years and you are low on the totem pole like my boyfriend was. And because he was bound to the military, so was I. He lived far away and it was a constant worry in my life whether or not he would be sent away and whether or not he would be safe. When I say I want control in my life, I simply mean that my boyfriend and I have the ability to move where we want, work where we want, and live in any way we please. I don't like that the government tells me where I live and for how long, especially since I didn't like our past administration and I didn't and still don't support the war in Iraq. I fell in love with a soldier, I am no better or worse a woman for it; I just know that it's not the life for me, and the women who I was surrounded by when I was around the military base were much like the women I described above and that is where I am coming from. I have no idea about any other areas that what I saw myself. This discussion board was asking for honest opinions and I gave her one. I hope that makes sense to you. 


So, now that you are all caught up with the military discussion board drama, I will tell my story. Go to next post.

You Deserve One of These--Orgasm 101

(This post is dedicated to my fearless little sister who was never afraid to ask questions and to all women who want to learn how to achieve an orgasm) 

Part 1: If you haven’t had an orgasm yet, read below. While there are many articles, books, and graphic pictures on how to do this, I am taking the time to simply express my own personal experience. Hopefully, this will help. If not, keep trying or comment and tell me what else you would like to know!

What lead up to the big O--

I was 18 and a freshman in college. I lived with my best friend in a small room that was right across the hall from the only other girl on the floor who ended up being normal, by our standards, fun, and a total sex fiend. She was 18 just like us, but she was very in touch with her sexual needs and wants. She was leagues ahead of me and my roommate. She had been watching porn, using vibrators, having sex with various partners who were not necessarily her boyfriends, and openly talking about it far longer than we had been. She was the poster child for women who want to be sexually free and sexually experienced. She was Samantha before Samantha even existed.

I loved to talk about sex too (who doesn’t at that age) and my amatuer escapades (especially compared to Krissy). I was always of the mindset that sex was a great topic in which to use to open people up, make them laugh, and figure out whether a person was going to be friends with me or be offended by me.

Krissy was the same way. One day in the middle of September while it was still at least 85 degrees out and close to 90 in our rooms that had no air conditioners, we were discussing various sexual positions and I asked her about having an orgasm. I was a virgin to orgasms and she was horrified to find out this factoid about myself. “At age 18, you still haven’t had an orgasm? Have you ever touched yourself, played with yourself, watched porn?” “Didn’t you have boyfriends? You never figured it out with them?”  She asked me question after question hurriedly and with a flabbergasted expression on her face. Her concerned response expressed to me that this was something I was really going to have to get on top of. Put it on my list of things to accomplish. She gave me the best advice I think anyone has ever given me on how to accomplish the first orgasm of your life: Find a shower with a removable shower head and use it.  

Why it took so long--

Now, let me explain why it took so long for me to get to this point and why my lovely boyfriends thus far had not accomplished the task either. First, I was on an anti-depressant called Paxil.  (The story about that will have to wait for another day, it is definitely not as interesting as this one). Paxil is just about the worst drug you can be on when it comes to sex drive and your libido. When I requested to get off Paxil, my doctor informed me that the reason I never wanted to have sex was because Paxil kills your libido. It is so successful at doing this, that they use this drug in prison to control sex offenders. So, since I didn’t really care about having sex, I didn’t really care about having an orgasm and therefore, I never practiced on myself. I didn’t masturbate for the first time until I was 18. I remember playing around once, but I only fingered myself and realized that it wasn’t going to do the trick and gave up on it. I wasn’t really worried about it until Krista’s reaction.

And, the reason my boyfriends were never able to master the task was because I never knew what to tell them. I didn’t know my own body so how were they suppose to figure it out? The moral of that story is that you must know your own body before you can actually expect someone else to be able to pleasure you. Men are not mind readers, we all know that, so you have to help them along.

Read on to part 2. Please COMMENT and let me know what you think!

Do Deadbeat Dads = Committment Phobic Daughters?

How Much does a father figure figure?

I was watching SATC reruns this weekend and I thought this one was fitting for my "Daddy Dearest" column. Carrie meets an older man at Vogue who is willing to help her write her first column. In one of their first discussions, he asks her where her father is, and when she saysif  that he left when she was little, it makes her question if her deadbeat dad had any thing to do with her relationships with men. I am sure every girl whose father left when she was in her formative years is asked the follow questions at least once:
Have you been in therapy?
Do you need to go to therapy? (people are always try to send you to therapy if your dad left you)

And if you admit that aren't interested in someone who seems to be halfway decent, they inevitably imply that you must be a commitment phobe and it must be because of your absentee father. These same people are always very proud of themselves for cracking this psychological code.
So, do absentee fathers = commitment phobic women?

The Good Guy vs. The Good Sex Guy

As I grow into my mid-twenties, I am starting to come to terms with a few realizations about sex. 

One-- The man who you want to have sex with three times a day may not be the same man you can talk to, depend upon, and be comfortable with in doing the daily things in life. This is an unfortunate realization and has taken me some time to comes to terms with. 

The question is do you have to give one up for the other or do you wait it out and try to find a guy who can push your buttons and will still be around the next day. 

Two--The good sex guy isn't necessarily good at having sex. It doesn't mean you are always having orgasms, It just means that you are good at having sex together. Something that you can't control attracts you to him and vice versa. It is almost like there are chemicals in his body and chemicals in yours and they have to meet each other over and over again. This is the epitomy of good chemistry. Even if  you're not in the mood, this is the kind of chemistry that one touch ignites your sexual senses and all of a sudden you are in the mood. Sometimes this chemistry is undeniable; it's so strong that you can't help but give into it. This is the kind of chemistry that screws everything up and it doesn't come around all of the time.

Three-- The good sex guy will satisfy you sexually, but that is it. In many of these chemistry-driven relationships, there is something missing with the guy and that is why the only thing you are consistently doing with him is having sex.

If you are lucky, you will meet a man who is both the good sex guy and the good guy--someone who you can depend on in and out of the bedroom. If you haven't met that person yet, the good guy is attractive, he treats you well, listens to your stories, lets you vent, takes you out to do romantic things, and generally is a good person to you and he is WORTH the wait, so don't settle for good guy or good sex guy, just wait it out and you'll find the one that fulfills both roles. 

Clarification on the "BJ a Day Keeps the Whores at Bay" Article

This is the first blog I ever posted in my life. One night I got a bug up my ass to start the blog I always said I would start and I wanted to write something that was funny and struck a cord one way or another with people. I thought a catchy title would get some traffic and this is what I came up with. Well... it definitely did that and then some. Since I posted it (on various sites), I got a ton of readers and lots of comments, some laughing and agreeing with me, but many people too this article more seriously than it was intended. Here are my clarifications:
The title was meant to be funny. Don't take it for face value. I make a statement in the very first sentence of this article saying, " the following information is assuming that you are in a healthy committed relationship..." I am not actually telling women they have to put out in order to be loved. I firmly believe though that it's important to take the extra time to show some loving to your man. Men, by nature, are ego maniacs. Women need to remember that and work with it. Men like to be the big swinging dick in the office that just got a blow job that morning. You better believe that in most cases he is going to come home and offer something good back to you too (whether it's dinner, an orgasm, or just doing the dishes).
What do you think? Still offended?