The Good Guy vs. The Good Sex Guy

As I grow into my mid-twenties, I am starting to come to terms with a few realizations about sex. 

One-- The man who you want to have sex with three times a day may not be the same man you can talk to, depend upon, and be comfortable with in doing the daily things in life. This is an unfortunate realization and has taken me some time to comes to terms with. 

The question is do you have to give one up for the other or do you wait it out and try to find a guy who can push your buttons and will still be around the next day. 

Two--The good sex guy isn't necessarily good at having sex. It doesn't mean you are always having orgasms, It just means that you are good at having sex together. Something that you can't control attracts you to him and vice versa. It is almost like there are chemicals in his body and chemicals in yours and they have to meet each other over and over again. This is the epitomy of good chemistry. Even if  you're not in the mood, this is the kind of chemistry that one touch ignites your sexual senses and all of a sudden you are in the mood. Sometimes this chemistry is undeniable; it's so strong that you can't help but give into it. This is the kind of chemistry that screws everything up and it doesn't come around all of the time.

Three-- The good sex guy will satisfy you sexually, but that is it. In many of these chemistry-driven relationships, there is something missing with the guy and that is why the only thing you are consistently doing with him is having sex.

If you are lucky, you will meet a man who is both the good sex guy and the good guy--someone who you can depend on in and out of the bedroom. If you haven't met that person yet, the good guy is attractive, he treats you well, listens to your stories, lets you vent, takes you out to do romantic things, and generally is a good person to you and he is WORTH the wait, so don't settle for good guy or good sex guy, just wait it out and you'll find the one that fulfills both roles. 

A BJ a Day Goes Both Ways

3/2010 Part II

For all you men out there who just got excited that I told your girlfriends to give you lots of blowjobs, don't forget that this, like everything else in relationships, goes both ways.

No matter how much a woman says she is fine with giving and not receiving, she is lying. Find a way to get the job done faster and frequently. It's true that men tend to climax faster and that women need more time, stress-free environments, maybe some toys or porn, the list goes on. If you take the time to figure out what she likes and to create an environment that she feels relaxed in, the job will be that much quicker and easier. The most important thing for a woman is to know that it is okay to let go and relax, and she needs to be turned on enough to forget about work, kids, bitchy friends etc.

It's a Numbers Game:
I have had experiences with men who can take up to 6-10 mins to climax from a blow job and with other men who get off in a minute. Obviously, I am much more willing to give a blowjob to someone who gets off fast, and more importantly to someone who is appreciative and gives me lots of compliments. If you want your girl to want to give you head, you have to praise her for a job well done.

If you happen to be with a girl like me who needs the moon and stars to align in order to get off in under 20 minutes, you may not be able to reward her with an orgasm every time she gives you one. In this case, you should do it every 3rd or 4th time she gives you a blow job.

Below is the equation for blow job frequency:

short time guy (under 5 mintues) + longer time girl (20+ mins)= 3:1 ratio
short guy + short girl =1:1
long  guy + short girl= 1:3
long  guy + long girl= quickies daily and oral sex on weekends

Don't hold out! If you want daily blow jobs, get off fast. Women have a lot on their plates and cannot give up 15 minutes every morning to give a blowjob, but they would be more than happy to do it in under 5 if it meant that a happy, healthy relationship would result from it.

And, ladies if you disagree with any of this, please comment, but if you simply don't like giving blow jobs, get on the blow job bandwagon! Or, don't expect to get oral sex in return and you shouldn't deprive yourself of oral sex, so this second option is really just out of the question. Oral sex is a great way to relax your mind and body and selfishly enjoy being pleasured. It is the perfect way to start or end a sex session, to start or end your day, and pretty much any other time in between.

All this oral sex talk though is all reliant on the fact that you are in a sexually healthy relationship where you and your partner are open about pleasuring each other. Receiving oral sex from someone who you aren't connecting with physically is not a good time.

Tune into next blog... Get onto the Blowjob Bandwagon.

A BJ a Day Keeps the Whores at Bay

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I don't get the No Sex B4 Marriage Thing

As I said in my last post, I questioned why people chose to wait before they were married to have sex. Writing this post is a struggle for me because it's Ash Wednesday and I am a Catholic and perhaps I should be one of those people that sticks up for this rule, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I think no sex before marriage is completely ridiculous and I think the rule is certainly placed upon women much more than it is upon men. Let me be honest... I did NOT wait and I never intended to. My parents though I should; we briefly spoke of it as I was growing up. My parents wanted to believe I was a virgin and my mom and I even had a cryptic conversation about it when I was 25 in which she asked me without really wanting to know and I let her believe what she wanted to believe.

I never carelessly slept around. I was sober, safe, and smart about who I slept with and while of my 10, I wish I could take back 2, it isn't because of morality that I wish I could remove them from my past, it is simply because they were bad in bed. I think women who wait till they get married are depriving themselves of figuring out their sexual selves--what they need and want in the bedroom and how and what they like regarding men and sex. Sex is NOT the only important part of a relationship, but it is a big part of a healthy relationship, and women must know themselves sexually in order to truly enjoy the sexual part of their lives.

Doesn't this so-called "religious rule" hinder women from understanding their sexual selves, learning about their own bodies, and putting themselves first so they know what they do and don't like?

What do you think?

Please Explain the No Sex-b4-Marriage Thing

I am not judging, well maybe just a little bit. I did a small amount of research before I wrote this post and I see that one of the passages, Corinithians 7:2, expresses that having sex before marriage is immoral and we should abstain from immorality. I was born and raised a staunch Catholic and my parents (especially my father) expected me to wait till marriage when the topic was raised, however, I knew that I would never be one of those people that would wait till I got married and I have always been curious about those people that do.

I know two people in my life currently who have waited--one girl became a born again Christian of sorts for 5 years, waited to sleep with her husband till marriage, married too young and realized VERY quickly that they weren't compatible in the bedroom and she has since engaged in an adulturous relationship. Her husband does not know about it, but they both agree that they will teach their own children NOT to wait till marriage.

I am acquaintances with another 23 yr. old Christian girl, virgin who swears that she wants to remain "pure," however she once told me about a weird dream that she had recently and she said, "I am always a whore in my dreams." This leads me to believe that she probably wants to be a "whore" in real life as well (when I use this word, I am referring to having sex with someone you care about in a passionate fashion).

These are two drastically different situations--the first who optimistically thought they were doing the right thing and regret their choice now, and the second who still thinks she is making the right decision.

Before I rant about how I feel on this topic, I ask you to please explain your rationale for this decision if you have made it in your life or if you are considering doing so.