I am a member of 20somethingbloggers and in one of the discussion boards, a girl asked bloggers to give our opinions about relationships with military men. Her question was the following:
I don't get it. I have dated a lot in my life. Guys in EVERY branch of the military and different types of guys that are civilians.While, since I'm single, I CLEARLY haven't found the right guy, I'm wondering this more importantly. What is it with military guys and being so extreme?
I have dated the "let's get married right now and have kids" type and I've also dated the "casual dater" type. http://www.20sb.net/forum/topics/military-relatioships
I responded with the following and I pissed someone off who was irritated that I wrote as if all the military was made up of men and that I stereotyped men and women in the military and/or men and women married to the military...
Oh dear...this is a good question. I seriously dated a marine for 2 years on and off when I was 19-21 and then years later, I dated a guy in the navy for just a few weeks and let me say (no offense to those who are protecting our country), I personally would never date a military guy again. I made this conviction after I broke up with the marine and once I found out the navy guy was in the military, I broke it off. There are certain women who are good for this type of lifestyle--women who want to settle down, who like to "stand by their man," women who like to be able to say "my guy is in the marines/navy etc," women who are okay with allowing hundreds of other factors control their life, and then there are women who are like me--ladies who want to know they have control over their lives, who want to know their boyfriend will be there, who want to build a more concrete life. I don't want to offend or stereotype too much here in a discussion board, but I was down in NC at the barracks A LOT at one point in my life and I feel like I have enough experience to speak about this topic and at least know what I am talking about a little bit. Go to my page for an article on it--you have pushed me to finally write one about this type of relationship...I have tried to forget that part of my life for so long.
And so I tried to correct myself with the following:
When I wrote my response, I expected to get a response like yours. I knew someone out there would be angry with my stereotypical comments and get offended. You are probably right. Maybe I should have left out the "certain women..." part, but I never used the words ALL WOMEN or ALL MILITARY, so I didn't imply that everyone in the military was like this. I also made it clear that it wasn't the type of lifestyle for me and I am saying that based on my observations and my involvement in it for 2 years. At least, I gave it a shot.
Stereotypes are what they are for a reason--sometimes they are true and sometimes they are way off. It depends on specific situations, but the girl who posted this question wanted honest opinions on our experiences and I gave her mine. I give women and men who are either in the military or who are married to the military a lot of credit. I am not the type of person who could ever live that lifestyle and I am not saying that in an arrogant way.
Despite what you say though, you don't have control over your life, at least not when you are only serving for 4 years and you are low on the totem pole like my boyfriend was. And because he was bound to the military, so was I. He lived far away and it was a constant worry in my life whether or not he would be sent away and whether or not he would be safe. When I say I want control in my life, I simply mean that my boyfriend and I have the ability to move where we want, work where we want, and live in any way we please. I don't like that the government tells me where I live and for how long, especially since I didn't like our past administration and I didn't and still don't support the war in Iraq. I fell in love with a soldier, I am no better or worse a woman for it; I just know that it's not the life for me, and the women who I was surrounded by when I was around the military base were much like the women I described above and that is where I am coming from. I have no idea about any other areas that what I saw myself. This discussion board was asking for honest opinions and I gave her one. I hope that makes sense to you.
So, now that you are all caught up with the military discussion board drama, I will tell my story. Go to next post.
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