Daddy Dearest: To My Absentee Father

2/2011
Part I
I am among a select group of girls who had an absentee father growing up (he will be referred to as either the sperm donor or my biological father from here on out). Thankfully, I had an amazing mother and a fabulous "stepfather" who quickly became my dad both legally and emotionally, so I am not too tarnished as a result. I don't think I have "daddy issues" and I don't think I hesitate to be in committed relationships because my father left me when I was 6. This is simply part of my past and I appreciate that if I had to have some sort of challenge in my life growing up, that this was all God gave to me. I can handle it. Really.

After cheating on my mom, destroying our house in a fit of rage, placing us in a lot of debt because he bought a house for his mistress and tried to start 2 unsuccessful businesses, he saved us all a lot of future trouble and walked away. On a late summer afternoon, during one of our designated time slots to see each other, I awkwardly hugged him good bye and got in the car with my mom, not knowing that it would be the last time I saw him for 7 years. Good riddens.

My mom and I moved into a new house with her new boyfriend and planned for her big Italian wedding. I loved my cozy little room in my new house. I finally lived in a house where I felt safe, where there was no chance of anyone coming in late at night and waking me up, no one destroying my toys or yelling at my mom, no one stomping around the house and barking orders at me. The only thing I was scared of at this new house was dropping food on the new carpet. I adapted, as they say, “quite well to my new surroundings.”

I was "well adjusted." That's what the counselor called me in my "Kids of Divorced Parents Group" at school. My mom and dad (my stepfather, but I started calling him dad within a few years since I didn't want anyone to know he wasn't my biological father), made sure that I was happy and healthy. We lived a completely normal life and it suited me. My personality wasn't really conducive to drama and it still isn't.

From the age of 7-14, my life was complete with school, a major geeky phase which lasted for about 3 years in which I had horrible 90's clothes, big bows in my hair, a set of bangs that my mom styled as if I had a wave on my head, and of course, glasses (no braces though!), and friends. I tried very hard to find my place among a whole new set of friends in middle school and succeeded in becoming closest with the girl I considered to be the coolest one of the bunch.